The amount of times I imagined myself dying is terrifying. I was scared of myself. I was scared that I would lose control and start screaming and breaking everything around me from all the pain, terror and anger. Yes, I was angry – I was really angry! Angry that my feelings were so easily dismissed, as if they were something you can pick up, explore for a little while and toy with a little, before being thrown in the trash.
When it comes to physical symptoms…there were a lot. There still are, they still come back every so often.
There were hallucinations of a girl named Trillion who hit me. There were episodes where my body would switch itself off and I’d be left unable to move, speak, swallow, blink and yet still able to feel and hear everything around me. That could last from ten minutes to eight hours. My legs would become paralyzed, for periods lasting from thirty minutes to four days.